The answers I’ve been searching for were there all along, hiding behind the grief of losing my mom. In response to the letter I wrote her in October after 11 years of separation, my mom wrote this: “very beautifully written, touched my heart, and made me cry….somethings we can’t pretend in life…i believed you… you’re forgiven….”
When she died, I lost all reason and belief in our renewed relationship. I felt like everything that was was lost, and everything I felt during the estrangement came flooding back. I felt unworthy and unloved, like she had never forgiven me. Part of that is because we were only talking on Facebook and I never got to see her before she died, never got to talk to her on the phone. When a loved one dies before the wounds heal, the heart starts bleeding again.
This can happen just as easily when we have a broken relationship with our Lord. It can happen when we do wrong and when we feel like God isn’t there for us anymore. We can feel unworthy, like He doesn’t want us anymore and never loved us. Nothing could be further from the truth. Just like God found a way for my mother and I to reconnect again against all odds, there is always a path for you to return to your faith and your love for Him. As humans we find it hard to forgive and trust again, but I have good news…
JESUS GAVE HIS LIFE SO WE WOULD ALWAYS HAVE A WAY BACK HOME.
It’s that simple. I didn’t see it before I got saved, just like I didn’t see there even being a chance of having my mom in my life again. Yet, Jesus really does love us and with that love, He saves us. One day, I will write out everything that has happened to me in ONE YEAR since I got saved but here’s the short version…
I AM NOW A CHRISTIAN, A CHURCH MEMBER, A WIFE, A STEPMOTHER, A SISTER, A DAUGHTER, A SINGER, AND A SONGWRITER. I have 12 videos on YouTube, over 8000 Twitter fans, my own website, and over 250 likes on my Facebook page. My music has been heard by several people in the business, and I’ve performed in San Diego and in Charleston. I don’t know what God has planned for me longterm, but my journey is proof that love never dies. God never gave up on me, and He’ll never give up on you.
Momma holding me… I miss you Mom. I love you. Never forget, always forgive!