A Letter to My Stepsons

broken hearted man

I feel like I have failed you. I wish I could take away your pain and bring peace to your heart. I wish I could have protected you from everything that has happened. I don’t have the right words to say because really there is nothing I can say that will improve the situation. My very presence in your life is evidence of what is and what will always be wrong in your life.

I am not your mother. 

You spend more time with me than you do with your mother.

I want you to know that I will never take her place, and I will never try. Your mother loves you very much and I want you to spend as much time with her as possible. I want joy in your heart when you see her and I want you to miss her when she’s not there. Still, it breaks my heart when you miss her so much that your tears are uncontrollable. It kills me when I can’t just hand you over to her whenever you want to spend time with her. It troubles me when you are so consumed by anger and confusion that you lash out to those that love you, myself included.

I know that I will never be enough.

I know that I will never be the person that you run to when you’re scared or hurt and upset. You will always want your mom. I will live my life swallowing my love for you because there will always be someone else that you will love more, someone else that your heart aches for. I will consistently be rejected and hurt but I will endure because I know that you need her. I will endure because I know that she can give you everything that you will ever need.

I commit to loving you anyway.

No matter how many times you reject me, no matter how many times you say I’m not family or how much you hate me, I will always be there waiting in the wings with my heart wide open. When I married your father, I had already made this commitment and I opened my heart to your pain, to your suffering. I can’t save you but I pray that my consistent love and care will allow you to find rest in your darkest moments.

I pray that you will receive my comfort and love, however imperfect… 

For more information about Kristeen Nicole Gillooly, her music, and her ministry, please visit http://www.kngmusicministry.com. You can also visit her artist website at http://www.kristeennicolegillooly.com. 


13 thoughts on “A Letter to My Stepsons

  1. Very heartfelt post that is felt by many a step-parent I’m sure. I’ve never been in your place before but can only imagine your range of emotions. When the kids are older I think they will always be appreciative of the love you showed them when they needed it. Lord bless you!!!

  2. Hi Kristeen

    Wow! That is such a beautiful and touching letter to your stepsons. It’s filled with love and compassion. You have a truly tender heart and have given so much thought to how they feel. That’s so wonderful! I can see that the circumstances must be very difficult with everyone’s emotions all over the place. If they have read your letter, I’m sure they will have seen that although it’s not easy for you all, you do understand and care about their feelings and want the best for them. l think that goes a long way 🙂 God bless, Christine

  3. I can completely relate – I am a stepmother….the pain she went through was heart-wrenching to watch, however the most pain she endured was the day I said “I cannot replace your mom, but I am here for you.” I believe for her it was the realization that she would never live with her real mom again but I believe she longed for me to be her “real” mom due to the circumstances. But Jesus is there for them – they can be healed through His Love & Grace. And He placed us “the stepmoms” in their lives for a purpose. Thank you for the heartfelt read!

    1. You are so right. I pray for my stepsons, that they will find the peace they so desperately need. Thank you for reading and for responding. How old was your step-daughter when you came into her life?

  4. Only through Christ can we love this deeply. God bless your continual process of surrender to His will and that those dear little boys are “wearied through your well-doing” 🙂 Blessings to you!

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