To My Wife, A Step-Mom

A beautiful message from a husband to his wife about being a stepmom…

KNG Music

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You come to his aid anytime that he calls;

You are there to catch him when he falls.

You calm his fears anytime he’s afraid;

You will be the first to show him how to do a French braid.

You tell him what is right from wrong;

You show him which vegetables will keep him strong.

You try to teach him how to count sheep;

You sing him a song at night to help him fall asleep.

You put Band-Aids on his owies when he cries;

You are the one that always look him in the eyes.

You stand up to the monsters in the closet when darkness falls;

You mark the line to show him how tall.

You pick out his clothes each morning with great care;

You cook breakfast and lead him in prayer.

You ask him how his day was even though you get a blank stare;

You…

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Never Say This To A Stepmom

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So tonight I was putting my youngest stepson to bed. He is three years old, and as usual, missing his mom. I didn’t think it was unusual at all when he asked if we could record a message for her. I pulled out my phone, and he left the sweetest message for his mom. I messaged it to her and she quickly sent one back. He was so happy listening to the playback, and was saying “I love you” in response to the audio even though she can’t hear him. It was then that he turned serious and said these words: “I love Mommy. Bunny, I need to tell you something. I never really loved you because Mommy is the best.”

I didn’t know what to do. My heart was instantly shattered, and I’m still sitting there on his floor typing a message back to her to share how much he loves her. He didn’t say it maliciously; the funny thing is that he spoke from his heart very honestly and sincerely. He had no idea that he hurt my feelings and I know that he didn’t intend to. When I later asked him why he said that, he told me because it was in his head. I think really it was something in his heart, something that has been bothering him that he didn’t know how to put into words. I guess tonight he figured out how.

My feelings are hurt yes, but he is also a child stuck in the constant battle of wanting his mom but never having enough time with her. He spends more time with my husband and I, and it breaks my heart to know that. I’m sure that he wants to be loyal to her, and save all of his love for her. This makes sense, it truly does. I just wish this was easier somehow and my feelings didn’t matter.

I love my stepchildren without holding back because that is my nature. Still, it is much harder to not hold back when situations like this come up. It’s usually the oldest one that I’m concerned with, the 14-year-old who doesn’t want to get close to another woman. I guess I thought I had more time with the younger one. I realize now that I was wrong.

Jesus, please be with me, I pray for the strength to endure this heartache from the children I love, the ones that will always love someone else more. Lord, allow me to be selfless in my love for them, and allow me to consistently and faithfully love them even if they never love me back. You are my example, you are my guide, and in you I will overcome the doubts that plague my heart. Through you, I will learn to stop searching for acceptance in every action and every word, but come to rest in the love you have for me. Lord, I ask these things not for myself, but so that my love is an example of patience and everlasting love that I can instill in these lives I’ve been given to minister to. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

That Five-Letter Word

I thought I would feel better. I thought that I would sing tonight, lifting praise to Jesus with my voice, and feel like I accomplished something. Instead, I kind of feel like a failure. I know, I know… it doesn’t make sense. If I’m singing for Jesus wholeheartedly, how could I have failed? Well, honestly… I feel like I failed to bring people to Him tonight. I feel like I failed to garner enough attention to even get people to see what He’s about. There is something else too, another way I failed him, and it’s a yucky five-letter word. Pride.

I know better than to let myself get in the way of what Jesus is trying to do. I also know that this isn’t about me at all. I work so hard to leave myself behind so that Jesus can shine through but the world likes to sneak in and remind me of my humanity. Pesky little thing. Lord, I pray that you take away my selfishness, that you strip away every desire that would reward me instead of rewarding you. I pray that you shatter my pride, and replace it with reverence for the shame you encountered on your way to the cross. Every drop of blood you spilled for my life, but knowing this means my life is no longer my own. Keep me humble oh Lord, and forgive me my transgressions. I seek only to know you better, love you stronger, and keep the world forever at bay. Amen.

It’s Not About Me

  I don’t remember feeling so sad on my birthday last year. I’ve already cried twice as I think of my mom whose life was cut too short. Today is not about me. I did nothing miraculous on this day when I was born. My mom sacrificed her well-being, peace, and comfort to bring me into this world, and I will ever be thankful for that. God bless the mothers who give tirelessly, without much reward. The Lord sees your sacrifice.

Finding My Place in this World

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It doesn’t matter how much I do for my stepchildren, or how much I love them. Sometimes I feel like I’m just second best. Having them in my arms, and then watching them run to their real mom on Mother’s Day hurt more than I ever would have imagined. I was just enjoying the little time I had with them, so my broken heart afterwards left me bewildered. And then it dawned on me… there’s no award for second best. There’s no trophy, no flowers, no parade… there’s not even a special holiday.

Is it wrong that I want to love and be loved by my stepchildren?
Is it wrong that I wish that I held a special place in their hearts, and that I didn’t always feel like I come in second place?

I guess up until tonight, I thought I that I was just second best but really I’m more like third best. I know because the youngest first started crying out for Mommy tonight while I was singing for him. I am there, holding his hand, trying to comfort him but the next person on his mind was Daddy. I come after Mommy and Daddy. Ok, now I know. Getting closer to my place in the hierarchy.

I know that things take time. I’ve been in their lives for two years, and I just hope it gets easier. I hope that my feelings just dissipate on their own and that I don’t have to go crying in any more corners like a child. I’m not a baby; I understand how this works and who really brought them into the world. Still, it hurts to play that big a role but not feel that important. I’ve been an Aunt but being a step-mom is a lot different from just being an aunt. Aunt’s don’t do the parenting or bear the cost and responsibility. I have the role but none of the respect or entitlement. It’s like working at a job with no benefits. I don’t know… that’s just how it feels sometimes.

It’s true… I’m still broken-hearted because I have no children to love but other’s children. I know that God has a plan, and I know that He will see me through this. I love my stepchildren, and I hope that I can form long-lasting bonds with them. I will keep praying and giving away my heart, trusting in Him and His timing because my heart yearns for more.

I’m Letting Go

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It’s not about what I want. It’s what you want Lord that matters most of all. I will bend to your will. I will step off the beaten path if it means that I can be closer to you. If it means that you do everything you can for me and my family. Lord, we are so blessed to have you on our side, to have your forever blessing in our lives. I give my all to you. I give you my everything, my very heart.

I will still love you even if you don’t give me a house.
I will still love you even if you don’t give me a child.
I trust that you know the plans you have for me and my life.
I trust that your plans are perfect.
And I will let go of my heart, I will let go of my disappointment.

I will let go of my dreams so that I can be ready to receive you and the plan you have for me.
I say goodbye to the unborn child I want.
I say goodbye to the adopted child I want to give a home.
I say goodbye to the house that I want.
I say goodbye to my many dreams, to my many disappointments.
I do this to make room for you in my heart.
I love you.