Never Say This To A Stepmom


So tonight I was putting my youngest stepson to bed. He is three years old, and as usual, missing his mom. I didn’t think it was unusual at all when he asked if we could record a message for her. I pulled out my phone, and he left the sweetest message for his mom. I messaged it to her and she quickly sent one back. He was so happy listening to the playback, and was saying “I love you” in response to the audio even though she can’t hear him. It was then that he turned serious and said these words: “I love Mommy. Bunny, I need to tell you something. I never really loved you because Mommy is the best.”

I didn’t know what to do. My heart was instantly shattered, and I’m still sitting there on his floor typing a message back to her to share how much he loves her. He didn’t say it maliciously; the funny thing is that he spoke from his heart very honestly and sincerely. He had no idea that he hurt my feelings and I know that he didn’t intend to. When I later asked him why he said that, he told me because it was in his head. I think really it was something in his heart, something that has been bothering him that he didn’t know how to put into words. I guess tonight he figured out how.

My feelings are hurt yes, but he is also a child stuck in the constant battle of wanting his mom but never having enough time with her. He spends more time with my husband and I, and it breaks my heart to know that. I’m sure that he wants to be loyal to her, and save all of his love for her. This makes sense, it truly does. I just wish this was easier somehow and my feelings didn’t matter.

I love my stepchildren without holding back because that is my nature. Still, it is much harder to not hold back when situations like this come up. It’s usually the oldest one that I’m concerned with, the 14-year-old who doesn’t want to get close to another woman. I guess I thought I had more time with the younger one. I realize now that I was wrong.

Jesus, please be with me, I pray for the strength to endure this heartache from the children I love, the ones that will always love someone else more. Lord, allow me to be selfless in my love for them, and allow me to consistently and faithfully love them even if they never love me back. You are my example, you are my guide, and in you I will overcome the doubts that plague my heart. Through you, I will learn to stop searching for acceptance in every action and every word, but come to rest in the love you have for me. Lord, I ask these things not for myself, but so that my love is an example of patience and everlasting love that I can instill in these lives I’ve been given to minister to. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

6 thoughts on “Never Say This To A Stepmom

  1. That had to be a difficult place. I remember my stepmother and I having an awesome relationship. Actually it was better than my relationship with my father. In time, he’ll come back and tell you how much loves you when he realizes that it’s okay to love you both.

  2. That’s really tough. I think my husband felt something similar with my children, his step children. Maybe it helps to think that it’s something akin to the situation that God finds himself in when he loves his children unconditionally,but they don’t love him. We can feel that and learn to love the children anyway, as our Father does. Some day the children may come to love you as they see your unselfishness. If they don’t, maybe they will at least respect you and there is something to be said for that. I believe that when they grow up, they will truly appreciate that you didn’t get in the way of their love for their mother. Over time, it will be interesting to see how that develops. I have come to appreciate the gift of time and how time works to change lives. Time requires patience because you have to let things play out to the end. They are still young and through time, your continued love will show. Don’t get discouraged. 🙂

  3. This made me cry! Oh, he loves you….that’s the only reason why he felt the need to bring it up. Three year olds are black and white thinkers. He believes all things can be only one way or the other. If he loves you, he can not love his mommy. And vice versa. It’s his brain’s developmental stage and in no way reflects his true feelings for you. He is verbalizing it in an attempt to sort out the conflict between his heart, that loves you both, and his little three year old brain that says he can’t. He loves you.

    1. Excellent response. I agree wholeheartedly. Kristeen, I’m giving a link to your blog to my niece Michelle Fizoli, who is also a stepmom, and has only been for about a year. Perhaps you can encourage and help each other. Hang in there, dear friend. I know you’re hurting, but your patience and unconditional love will reap huge rewards in the end. Praying for you.

      1. I think that is a great idea. The last thing a stepmom needs is to feel alone. She can feel free to reach out to me if she needs to vent or compare notes 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s