How Far Is Too Far?

abuse

We were supposed to help a family come to know Jesus. We were supposed to help them overcome the fears and pain of living in this world. It wasn’t that easy.

We thought we had it all figured out. We knew it was going to be a long and brutal road, but we took it on in the spirit of love and ministry. We thought it was what God wanted us to do. For four long months, starting from the day we got the keys to our new house, my husband and I served this family. We adopted this family from a distance and loved them as best we could. We helped them through some of the darkest days and were there as they worked through demons from their past. But cancer changes everything. Dying changes everything.

Sometimes we can work so hard that we become committed to the cause and stop checking to see if we are still making a difference. We commit because we come to love those that we are serving, and we don’t want to let them down. We also don’t want to let God down, even if we have stopped considering what God really wants for the situation. In our case, we became so entangled with this family and their needs that we couldn’t hear God’s voice anymore about what He wanted us to do. We just really felt it was important to keep our feet planted in the relationship and show unconditional love towards them, no matter what the cost.

Our relationship turned brutal quickly. Over and over again, we were told it was better if we just all parted ways. It wasn’t what we wanted and we fought against it. The more we fought to stay, the more hurtful the attacks would be against us. It was stressing us out, and causing issues between my husband and I. It was causing issues when we were trying to spend time with family, or focus on work and school. I prayed constantly about the relationship, praying for God’s will, praying for answers and responses to very difficult questions and situations. In the end, I was pushed so hard that I finally walked away with a broken heart and a strong desire to change my phone number so I would never hear from them again.

I was so terribly hurt having to throw in the towel, and I felt like a failure. I have also felt incredibly guilty because I know there are a lot of reasons why they behaved as they did. Still, I don’t think God wanted me to suffer so much with no end in sight. If He really wanted me to do this, wouldn’t good fruit be plenty? Wouldn’t there be more good times than bad times, and wouldn’t we have succeeded in helping this family know Him?

I see now how much this situation was hurting me and my family. I see now that there must be boundaries between our ministry work and our personal lives, and that we cannot sacrifice ourselves to the point of allowing abuse. I miss them and I still pray for them every day, but I can breathe now. I can focus on my kids again, my husband, and others that need to know Jesus. Maybe our work was in vain, maybe it wasn’t, but we are going to trust that what we started, God will finish. That God can still use us for something else, and maybe… just maybe… this family will still give their lives to Christ.

Advertisements

Thank You Jesus

shutterstock_210984577

God bless everyone that has supported me in the last few years as I continue this journey. There has been so much love, so many warm and kind words. It is truly humbling, and I don’t deserve the praise because it is by God’s grace and talent that I am able to share my music with you. It is by His grace that I am able to share my testimonies with you about how He is working in my life, and in my family.

I know for a fact that I have not done anything on my own in this process. I have neither the talent nor the resources to be able to do as others have done in the industry. Everything I have accomplished has been by His hand alone. From writing music to putting together this album…

You may not realize it but God wrote the instrumentation for my songs. I wouldn’t know how to do it on my own. There was no one else to help me and so my only option was to listen to God’s guidance, to His voice about how the songs should sound. You may not realize it but God even did the album design. I didn’t have the funds to send it to someone else so I sat and listened to His guidance on what it should look like.

Truly, only one person actually helped me with the album and that was the sound engineer that did the mixing and mastering. The album was recorded at home, and with that came many attempts by the devil to foil the whole thing. Time and time again, God saved the day.

If you take the time to listen to my music today or any other day, my only request is that you give praise where it is due. I am nothing without our Lord Jesus Christ, and neither are you.

What Love Can Do

6703271487_a2fe60b8ea_b

When I was a little girl, I would pretend that I was starring in a music video. I would act out all of these moves, as if I was a real singer. Fast forward into my adulthood, and I’ve done many videos already. I wish I could say I had the same confidence as I did when I was a child but hey, I’m a work in progress right?

The one thing I never really dreamed of was having an album of my own. I mean, I literally could never picture it. It’s not something I fantasized about, and even when I started a record label in 2014, it didn’t seem real. Does God really want me to put out an album?? I left it up to Him to work out and guess what? He did!

The Internet is a funny thing. You can put music out there on iTunes and Amazon but still feel detached. Music is not a tangible thing. Not really. But holding a CD in your hand with your music… that feels like an accomplishment. A lot more work goes into making a physical CD than putting it on iTunes. That’s not to say that it’s not a lot of work to get your stuff on iTunes because it is. Still, none of this is really something that I can take credit for.

This product, this CD is not meant for me. It’s not for my satisfaction, not for my pride, or anything else. It’s just a tool, another way to reach people because not everyone is on social media. Not everyone has iTunes or Amazon. Let’s face it… there are still lots of people that don’t even have computers.

Sometimes, we have to get back to basics. To be honest, the people that need Him the most right now will probably never hear my music and that’s ok. As a matter of fact, the family I minister to daily is almost entirely cut off from civilization. Do you know how we show love to each other? We sing for each other over the phone. Handwritten songs, ballads, old hymns, lullabies, songs to comfort each other… whatever it takes to bless the other. I don’t think I have even sang one of my songs over the phone. It’s all about what is needed in the moment, not about selling myself.

Maybe you will be one of those people that buys my album, and gives an extra copy to someone else that needs it. Maybe you will bypass this message and move on to something else. Either way, it’s not our accomplishments that mean the most in this world. It’s what God can accomplish through us.