Hey there. Not sure what you’re working on right now but I was hoping to bug you for a minute. Is that ok? I need to vent. Sometimes I just need to talk to someone that understands what I’m trying to do, someone that knows this isn’t about me.
You know what I’m trying to do right? You, another Christian like myself, should know that I’m not after fame. I could care less about fortune. At the end of the day, all I really care about is Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.
There are people out there still trying to take advantage of me. They see my love for God and think that surely I want to spend money to make myself famous singing for my Savior. Nothing could be further from the truth. I wish they understood like you do that saving people is more important than my music. This music thing is a part-time gig; my full-time job is ministry.
I don’t want to sell my soul for fame. And I surely don’t want to sell my God for fame either.
Ok, vent over.
The world is crashing all around.
I see the pain and I try not to touch it;
I see the strain, and try to dance around it.
Anything, anything but the reality of this moment
And all moments from this moment on.
It’s coming, it’s here, and it’s gone all at the same time,
This swirling of emotion that wells up inside.
Where to run, where to turn?
There’s nothing left to face
That is pretty in this world anymore.
I want to say something, say anything
That will make sense, that will bring comfort
But words always fail me.
I’m just a nobody loving a somebody
In a cold and broken, dark, dark, world.
My heart hurts. It’s just spilling out all over the place. This flood I couldn’t find before doesn’t seem to have an end now.
Death. You are a good God and yet death still occurs. One by one, they disappear and gone are the dreams that once were so alive.
It doesn’t seem fair. I know you are a just God but sometimes the people left behind are left to question how good you are. I understand, I do. I know you are good but it’s hard to feel the good when your heart is filled with so much pain. It’s hard to hold on to the truth when you are at a loss for words when reality sets in.
How can I preach the Gospel to a person who is dying when that person is someone I love? How can I separate my pain from the job that I must do? Furthermore, how am I to show them comfort when I feel so uncomfortable with everything going on?
I want to turn them to God, I want to turn them to Jesus, but I can’t answer the tough questions. I know the answers but I can’t seem to speak them. I can’t speak them because I am at a loss of words. Grief has stolen the wisdom from my heart and replaced it with prayer void of too much emotion as I deal with the numbness.