It’s Coming, It’s Here, and It’s Gone

The world is crashing all around. 
I see the pain and I try not to touch it;
I see the strain, and try to dance around it.
Anything, anything but the reality of this moment
And all moments from this moment on.
It’s coming, it’s here, and it’s gone all at the same time,
This swirling of emotion that wells up inside.
Where to run, where to turn?
There’s nothing left to face
That is pretty in this world anymore.
I want to say something, say anything
That will make sense, that will bring comfort
But words always fail me.
I’m just a nobody loving a somebody
In a cold and broken, dark, dark, world.

 

My heart hurts. It’s just spilling out all over the place. This flood I couldn’t find before doesn’t seem to have an end now.

Death. You are a good God and yet death still occurs. One by one, they disappear and gone are the dreams that once were so alive.

It doesn’t seem fair. I know you are a just God but sometimes the people left behind are left to question how good you are. I understand, I do. I know you are good but it’s hard to feel the good when your heart is filled with so much pain. It’s hard to hold on to the truth when you are at a loss for words when reality sets in.

How can I preach the Gospel to a person who is dying when that person is someone I love? How can I separate my pain from the job that I must do? Furthermore, how am I to show them comfort when I feel so uncomfortable with everything going on?

I want to turn them to God, I want to turn them to Jesus, but I can’t answer the tough questions. I know the answers but I can’t seem to speak them. I can’t speak them because I am at a loss of words. Grief has stolen the wisdom from my heart and replaced it with prayer void of too much emotion as I deal with the numbness.

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5 thoughts on “It’s Coming, It’s Here, and It’s Gone

  1. This is a marvelous plea you put forth and yet I know and you know that He is here and he shall not abandon us regardless of what we see at this moment. We must look through to the other side and see the joy we so desperately seek. This piece you write is outstanding. God bless You.

  2. I’ve been there. In September the family dog died. My son was 7. He was devastated. He asked, “Why can’t God raise Bailey from the dead like he did Jesus? He know we needed Jesus, he knows that I need Bailey.” He was crying and I didn’t know how to calmly explain what I needed to at the time. So, I just loved, hugged and kissed him. When he calmed down we talked about it. But, sometimes it is too hard when you’re in the midst of grieving to give the words that God is sovereign and it as it should be. We just have to have faith and trust.

    1. Wow Kristeen. I can’t believe you’ve captured the way I feel..every day of my life. I think the only answer we can offer to people is to “have faith”. Without it, we have nothing…
      Kristeen, you have grown into such a brilliant, beautiful (inside and out), insightful woman. I’m so proud to be able to call you both, my cousin AND Sister in Christ. 💕 Keep the faith honey…keep the faith…💖

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