I hesitated. I really didn’t want to tell this person what was going on with my health. I knew that I had to for various reasons and that it was time that I did. I shared my diagnosis, what it means, and how it can and will cause limitations for me.
They were quiet. And then the questions came and I answered each one calmly. We also got to a point in the conversation where I admitted I was nervous telling them at all. When they inquired as to why, I had tears in my eyes. “Because you’re not always nice.” His response back to me was very curt and cutting.
“I want to attack you but there’s nothing you can do about it.”
This is a person I have to deal with often, and we usually go about our business, bypassing each other as much as possible. I know they don’t like me. I know they would rather not have to deal with me at all. The words still hurt though. No one wants to be attacked, and while I appreciate them choosing not to attack me on the basis of having health issues, the statement still shows a desire to hurt me intentionally.
I know that I have to forgive this person, and I will. Maybe I already have, I don’t know. I know I have to love my enemies. I’ve gotten really good at doing that too, but it’s not easy. I falter, I get angry and sometimes even lose my temper. Sometimes I just sit there and cry.
Being in pain all the time does not help me when it comes to controlling my emotions, but it does cause me to lean on God a little more to get through the tough times. I don’t have all the answers, and I can’t always shield myself from the negativity and ill intent from others, but I can hug Jesus a little tighter.
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30