Lord, I need you every day as I fight each and every aspect that comes with being in pain all the time. I need you, and many more need you, many more that are enduring the same tortures that I am. Lord, be with us in the worst moments, and when we are in such pain that we cannot speak, please let our tears be our cry to you. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.
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Kristeen Nicole Gillooly 
Dear sister in Christ, I am so sorry to hear that you are in such pain. I will keep you in my prayers every day. Perhaps we should all pray also that the medical profession will quickly develop a cure. Must be so difficult when you are also trying to raise children and nurture your family. The stress must be overwhelming at times. For those of you who read this and think Christians should be above this, please remember that we are people, too, and have the same sufferings and heartaches as the rest of the world. The difference is we have a great God who is willing and able to help us through it so we don’t give up. Jesus the Christ is our strength, our comfort, and our hope. He never leaves us or forsakes us.
Well said Aleta. He is the only thing getting me through this, pushing me through because I know His purpose is greater than my pain.
I’ve had crippling depression since I was 15. Suicidal thoughts, becoming a hermit, the whole 9. By the age of 14, I knew I was gay & I had heard God hated me & I was going to hell. So I said if God hates me, I’m not going to love Him which messed me up for a very long time. Over 30 years. One day (age 40) driving home on the freeway the idea popped in my head to drive into the rail. I’ve had suicidal thoughts many times before but this one, it stayed with me all day long and what scared me was I wasn’t scared at all. I was completely serious & committed to do it. That night I started crying and I remember pleading God saying if you’re real you better do something because I’ll be dead tomorrow and I swear suddenly the room went bright white a blinding white and that’s all I remember. I woke up feeling better than I ever have in my whole life and I knew God did it and I accepted Christ in my heart soon afterwards and gave my life to Him. He spoke to me two more times. He asked me one day to stop. It was the most gentle, kind, loving dad & Santa sounding voice all rolled up in one and i knew exactly what He meant and I became celibate that same day. Much later, I was struggling with loneliness. I’d never had a relationship before or been in love and I had wanted that since I was a child and He told me..your relationship is with Me. I accepted that and have embraced life as a “eunuch.”
The loneliness though. Whooo. I’ve had cancer twice (I’m 48 yo) and loneliness is worse. It’s magnified the depression. BUT JESUS CHRIST.
The pain is substantial and I struggle with it every day but I can see it keeps me dependent on Him like going outside for manna. It keeps my heart sensitive to those in pain and it reminds me one day no more pain no more tears.
I follow you on Twitter and you are such an encouragement with your honesty. Thank you & God Bless You!
Jason, your story is moving and beautiful, filled with pain, hope, restoration and purpose. He is with us while we suffer. I, like you, have learned to lean on Him all that I am. God bless you for sharing your honest pain. Depression in itself is a lonely desperate hole of despair that I know all too well, although I faked being well for so long. He is the one who saved me from such loneliness and hollowed faith that anyone would ever love me, that I was worth loving at all. I praise the name Jesus knowing that He saved me and loves me and will never, ever leave me lonely again. I pray that your faith sustains, and that the peace of His love covers you in your darkest moment.