Feeling Tired and Worn

tired-worn-out

I’m tired. Like really tired, and not just because I don’t sleep well.

I’m tired of being poked and prodded. I’m tired of seeing doctors that can’t help me. Doctors that tell me they don’t know what’s wrong with me, or that there is nothing wrong with me at all.

I’m tired of pills, medicine, and treatments. Nothing works. I’ve tried so many different things… even physical therapy but it hasn’t changed a thing.

I’m tired of not feeling well, with this symptom or that. Every day it’s something else. My head still hurts every day, and sometimes incredibly bad. I sat on my bedside a few days ago at 3 o’clock in the morning contemplating going to the emergency room; they weren’t much help the last time I was there so I suffered through it like I always do.

I’m tired of suffering. Not knowing when it’s going to end. Will I ever be okay again? Will there ever be another season in my life when I am not feeling pain compounded over pain, let alone just one single breath with no pain at all?

I’m tired of doctors that keep throwing around words like anxiety and depression. How would they feel if they woke up sick one day, believing it would pass, but it doesn’t. And every day they keep waiting and hoping that the next doctor will have the answer or a solution to help them feel even an ounce like their old self? Grieving is not the same as depression, and being anxious just seems to be part of this whole ordeal with chronic pain.

This is a side of me that few people get to see. I’m hurting just like everyone else in this world. I don’t know what my future looks like. I have all of these dreams, but I don’t know which ones are God’s will. And I don’t know if I will ever be well again. That’s the most daunting question of all, and all the faith in my heart doesn’t seem to be enough to keep that question far from my mind. It’s always there, like a child repeating themselves over and over again until they get what they want.

Still, I wait and trust, giving everything I have to God because I have nothing left. I find myself draped over His promises, spent from exhaustion. Only He has the strength. Only He can carry me through the most trying times of my life. There is no use trying to do this on my own, no use trying to carry my own battered body down unfamiliar streets to search for a cure on my own. Where has that gotten me? What have I gained from all of this? Nothing I tell you, nothing.

I don’t know where God will take me from here but I do know one thing. I will not be alone. Through all of the pain, uncertainty, and upset, He has been there with me. He has carried me at every moment I couldn’t do this anymore. He has lifted me at every moment my body and faith have given out on me, despite my best attempts to keep everything together. And He will continue to be with me, only this time I will let Him do most of the walking and let His strength carry me.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

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9 thoughts on “Feeling Tired and Worn

  1. May God’s peace and comfort be with you during these times of trouble! Thank you for sharing your faith and encouraging word! Mike Caswell

    On Jun 6, 2017 08:09, “Kristeen Nicole Gillooly” wrote:

    > kngillooly posted: ” I’m tired. Like really tired, and not just because I > don’t sleep well. I’m tired of being poked and prodded. I’m tired of seeing > doctors that can’t help me. Doctors that tell me they don’t know what’s > wrong with me, or that there is nothing wrong with ” >

  2. Hi, Kristeen. Just wanted to encourage you. Your faith is sustaining you, even though you can’t see past the pain and suffering. You are right. God is with you all the way, and maybe His purpose in all of this is for your incredible faith during this most difficult trial to come shining through, so others will know how God alone comforts and sustains His children. Your suffering helps you identify a little more closely with Jesus when he was being tortured, scorned, and crucified. I’m still praying for you.
    I don’t know if an herbologist could help but here is a link to my favorite online herbal store. It is owned by Christians and an herbologist is available for consultation.

    https://betterhealthherbs.com/

    God bless you, dear sister.

    1. I have thought about how my suffering can help me identify with His. I know there is purpose but I’m still walking in the dark. That’s why I need Him so much. Can’t do this alone

      1. I can’t imagine what you are going through but I continue to pray that God will give you strength to bear the burden, the pain; that He will wrap His arms around you and comfort you. You’re getting a lot of great advice here, and care and comfort from friends. Thank you for keeping us informed so we know to keep praying. God bless you, dear sister.

  3. Could be a supernatural attack by the enemy. When I have been beaten down, so tired I could barely go, I sought out deliverance. Went to a team at Christian International in Santa Rosa Beach, Fl. Immediately got my energy and joy back. Might be worth trying if you feel led.

  4. “That’s the most daunting question of all, and all the faith in my heart doesn’t seem to be enough to keep that question far from my mind. It’s always there, like a child repeating themselves over and over again until they get what they want.” 💕

    Do you have the same number still? I want to text you something.

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