The Need For Rest Will Just Have To Do For Now

The last time I was sick on Christmas was five years ago… before my life was drastically altered after meeting my husband and embracing the Christian faith wholeheartedly for the first time. I had traveled to Colorado via Greyhound to spend the holiday with my best friend and her kids. Taking the bus was a great way to get out of the city to venture the beaten path with my camera after the end of a six-year relationship I never should have been in, and the end of a disillusionment for an affair that would never be more than a roll in the hay. 

Yeah, I’d had better days and the opportunity to run away from home was enchanting. The road to freedom was a little more traveled than I wanted it to be though; it took three days to get to Colorado and five to get home. I remember getting stuck in the Dallas bus station for a day and a half while a snowstorm wrecked havoc just north of us. I was still trying to get to Colorado, and I was completely at the mercy of a storm I couldn’t even see. It wasn’t snowing in Dallas where I was, but all around me it was coming down so heavy that travel all the way up to Denver was at a halt. I just wanted to get where I was going, and I wanted answers. There was no way out and nowhere to feel safe. 

I think it took a good 12 hours before they finally brought a bus out for us weary-eyed travelers to sleep on. I was so thankful… all I wanted was answers and rest, but I would settle at the moment for just some rest. It’s how I’m feeling again after all these years.

Cancer has a way of eating away at your soul… if you’ll let it. Sometimes I do, I won’t lie. Sometimes, I give in and let the cancer take a bite or two out of me. Sometimes it takes a few days, weeks, or months for me to wake up out of the chokehold-slumber that cancer is and stumble again onto my faith. On Christmas Day, it was just a reminder staring back at me that reads “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Yesterday, it was a complete meltdown on the living room sofa where I begged God to help me over and over again. Today, it might look like something completely different but I’m not giving up. 

The answers may come another day but for today, I’m going to take the rest that comes with knowing Him. 


5 thoughts on “The Need For Rest Will Just Have To Do For Now

  1. Wonderfully said all we have are moments to rely on his promises and his grace “ we can do all things through Christ..”

  2. Just woke up about 30 minutes ago Kristeen, I said a few thank you Jesus’ and looked on Twitter and was blessed by your transparency ❤ thank you for your TRUTH. Last year on 7/22 my friend my lover my fiance passed away on my birthday unexpectedly. All I wanted and still seek after is why this had to happen Lord? Was it punishment for me because I walked away from God to have desired pleasure, was it because Edwin was living in sin too? I loved him immensely he loved me, we had plans, he wanted babies we wanted to travel. When he took ill it was frightening to me but somehow my faith reignited I was strong and I put on this hero suit for Edwin because he was scared, this beautiful funny caring 49 year old Hispanic man was afraid. I’d lay in the hospital bed tears running down my face as I lay with my back in front of him snuggling trying my best to encourage him as I was falling apart secretly. Even on that day we celebrated his life the Strength and courage God gave me was present, but there after and present I’ve become so fragile yesss suffocating in grief, I’m 48 I don’t want to be alone nor have a desire to be with anyone but my Edwin mi amor mi papi my bestie coming to terms with his absence has been and still is unnerving but I know God has a plan Jer29:11. Singing “what a friend we have in Jesus all our sins & griefs he bares what a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer. Life….wow so much to say about life but through it all through it all I’ve learned to depend upon his word. I won’t lie it’s easier to sing it than walk it at times but TGBTG. Thank you Kristeen 🙏🙏your Strength in the Lord may the Lord Strength your husband children family and friends ❤

  3. When your brain starts to turn towards dark thoughts, let a little light thought come in remembering how infinite is God’s love. Even things that seem so difficult, He means them for our eternal good. We don’t understand how it could be, but He definitely has a different viewpoint! Keep positive Scriptures and positive people all around you. Don’t let anyone else’s negativity bring you down. Easy for me to say, but always, always remember that God loves you. He is always and forever good. Imagine a being that has not one negative thought or feeling in Him. Wow!

  4. Clinging to Christ is how we deal with all the strife we encounter while we trod this earth. Knowing that He is right there with us in our adversity gives us encouragement to continue to fight our battles and to stand strong. Praying for you dear Kristeen daily, for a miracle of healing, wisdom for your medical team and effectiveness of treatment. And more importantly that you will feeling Christ’s presence in a very real way. Love to you my sister in the family of God.

  5. Hi, Kristeen. Thank you so much for sharing your heart so we know how best to pray for you. Have you heard of the baking soda/molasses cancer cure? It may not help everyone, but there have been many testimonials from people who claim that it cure their cancer, even at stage 4. There is a You-Tube demonstration with instructions on how to make it. The premise is that the molasses attracts the cancer cells and the baking soda kills them. It’s about getting the proper ph balance in your system. I don’t have cancer (as far as I know) but if they find it I plan to try this remedy first. Hope you find something that really helps and cures the cancer. I will continue praying for you. Blessings.

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