The Color of My Cancer Journey

I sit down at my desk with a paintbrush in hand. I’ve already gotten a cup of water, and have a roll of paper towels nearby. I stare at a blank canvas for now.

I don’t paint bowls of fruit. I don’t paint grand landscapes or pretty butterflies. I paint my feelings… which means I don’t have a thought process in mind as far as what I’m going to paint. I’ve always been like this… painting with the freedom of expression rather than the confines of a planned portrait.

I look over at the color choices available to me in my set of gouache paints. The color I choose says a lot about how I’m feeling. So many to choose from… I feel many things about what I have been through, what I am currently going through, and what’s to come. Lately, I always seem to start with the same color. I can’t explain it… it pulls at my senses and tugs on my heart.


Blue is the color of my cancer journey. It is the color of sadness for my condition, and the color of the isolation I sometimes feel. But it is also the color of God’s love being poured over me, and the color of peace He has placed in my heart. It is the color of trust… knowing that He will one day heal me.

” ‘But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the Lord.” Jeremiah 30:17