Even when you’re going through it,

You’re not going through it;

You’re tiptoeing around,

Careful not to step on

Your own thoughts, your own feelings. 

You don’t really want to talk about it;

You don’t really want to write about it.

You only want to think about, write about 

Nothing at all.

The nothingness that stares you in the face,

The nothingness that will never be nothing again,

The life that will never be the same.


Walking In Fear

Isn’t it funny how we often don’t want to do what God calls us to do. I think that’s the difference between those that do things because they want to rather than because He wants us to. He never makes it easy for us. So many times on my journey, He has asked me to do things that terrify me. Honestly, these things still terrify me but I know that He is still with me, still working on me and sometimes that is the only thing that gives me the courage to move from a stationary position. If it were up to me, if it were up to a lot of us, we would just stay where we are, all cozy in our fear. God has a plan that must be carried out, even when we don’t feel equipped to do the job. He will teach us all we need to know, all we need to get through. Trusting Him to hold our hand as we walk though our deepest fears is a challenge but the reward is a closer relationship with the one who loves us. He is our safety net, our comfort through all things.

Be Ye Steadfast


This past weekend, my husband and I took some of the youth from our church to love on other kids at a church five hours away. They sacrificed sleep and an entire Saturday so that we could make the drive down south and come back the same night to be back at our church on Sunday. For our youth, I would say that it was more than just a sacrifice of time and energy though; they just lost their own youth pastor a few weeks ago and kept the commitment to do the event regardless. At a time in their lives when they have watched their friends leave the church in large numbers, they kept their hearts on fire for Him. At a time when they are questioning God’s plan, they went out of their way to minister to another group of youth that is in desperate need of answers and healing.

When we arrived at the other church, we learned that they have been trying to break ground and reach the youth in that community for the last two years, that the event we put on was the first in a series of events they plan on doing to help the kids. We learned that the church has suffered major losses in the last month, and that the devil continued to attack the staff personally up until the day of the event. As a matter of fact, the pastor that helped us coordinate the event had a family emergency and had to leave five minutes before the event was about to start. I am thankful that it was a false alarm, but we will still be praying for her mother.

When you try to do something for God, the enemy will attack. Everything that could go wrong that night did. We had everything from bad weather and low attendance to sound system issues and forgotten lyrics. Did this distract us from praying for revival? No. Did we give up and go home when it looked like we would fail? No. As a matter of fact, it allowed everyone to go after God even harder.

It may be sometime before we fully understand what was accomplished last night. It may be sometime before our youth fully understands the rewards for keeping the faith in such trying times. Still, I know hearts were moved last night. I know hearts were encouraged, including mine, to watch a generation put God first when everything around them is falling apart. I get chills just thinking about it, and revel in the knowledge that His love endures, that His goodness covers everything at all times, regardless of the rain that comes our way and the temptation to run when things get hard and confusing. Lord Jesus, thank you for your faithfulness and reminding us to be steadfast when doing the work of the Lord.

“For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.” Psalm 100:5

“Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye steadfast, unmovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 15:58


My Calling Is Higher Than A Slot On TV

Hey there. Not sure what you’re working on right now but I was hoping to bug you for a minute. Is that ok? I need to vent. Sometimes I just need to talk to someone that understands what I’m trying to do, someone that knows this isn’t about me.

You know what I’m trying to do right? You, another Christian like myself, should know that I’m not after fame. I could care less about fortune. At the end of the day, all I really care about is Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.

There are people out there still trying to take advantage of me. They see my love for God and think that surely I want to spend money to make myself famous singing for my Savior. Nothing could be further from the truth. I wish they understood like you do that saving people is more important than my music. This music thing is a part-time gig; my full-time job is ministry.

I don’t want to sell my soul for fame. And I surely don’t want to sell my God for fame either.

Ok, vent over.

How Far Is Too Far?


We were supposed to help a family come to know Jesus. We were supposed to help them overcome the fears and pain of living in this world. It wasn’t that easy.

We thought we had it all figured out. We knew it was going to be a long and brutal road, but we took it on in the spirit of love and ministry. We thought it was what God wanted us to do. For four long months, starting from the day we got the keys to our new house, my husband and I served this family. We adopted this family from a distance and loved them as best we could. We helped them through some of the darkest days and were there as they worked through demons from their past. But cancer changes everything. Dying changes everything.

Sometimes we can work so hard that we become committed to the cause and stop checking to see if we are still making a difference. We commit because we come to love those that we are serving, and we don’t want to let them down. We also don’t want to let God down, even if we have stopped considering what God really wants for the situation. In our case, we became so entangled with this family and their needs that we couldn’t hear God’s voice anymore about what He wanted us to do. We just really felt it was important to keep our feet planted in the relationship and show unconditional love towards them, no matter what the cost.

Our relationship turned brutal quickly. Over and over again, we were told it was better if we just all parted ways. It wasn’t what we wanted and we fought against it. The more we fought to stay, the more hurtful the attacks would be against us. It was stressing us out, and causing issues between my husband and I. It was causing issues when we were trying to spend time with family, or focus on work and school. I prayed constantly about the relationship, praying for God’s will, praying for answers and responses to very difficult questions and situations. In the end, I was pushed so hard that I finally walked away with a broken heart and a strong desire to change my phone number so I would never hear from them again.

I was so terribly hurt having to throw in the towel, and I felt like a failure. I have also felt incredibly guilty because I know there are a lot of reasons why they behaved as they did. Still, I don’t think God wanted me to suffer so much with no end in sight. If He really wanted me to do this, wouldn’t good fruit be plenty? Wouldn’t there be more good times than bad times, and wouldn’t we have succeeded in helping this family know Him?

I see now how much this situation was hurting me and my family. I see now that there must be boundaries between our ministry work and our personal lives, and that we cannot sacrifice ourselves to the point of allowing abuse. I miss them and I still pray for them every day, but I can breathe now. I can focus on my kids again, my husband, and others that need to know Jesus. Maybe our work was in vain, maybe it wasn’t, but we are going to trust that what we started, God will finish. That God can still use us for something else, and maybe… just maybe… this family will still give their lives to Christ.

Would You Take This Job?

What is important to you when you’re looking for a job? Better pay? Location? Perhaps health benefits? We try so hard to find the right job for the right price, and sometimes we wind up sacrificing the very things that are most important because we think it will be better for ourselves and our families in the long run. Could we be wrong? What if we applied that thinking on a much bigger scale?

I was sitting here tonight, praying over the kids and my family and started thinking of the benefits that people miss out on when they don’t work for God. Maybe they just don’t realize what a great opportunity it is? I’m a big picture kind of girl so I thought I would take a shot at writing a job announcement for God’s company to highlight some of the benefits of working for Him. I don’t want anyone to miss out on this opportunity so please be sure to pass it on to believers and non-believers alike. God is always hiring!


In a dead-end life, trying to make ends meet but your wheels are spinning? Then I’ve got the job for you!


Benefits of Working For God:

  • Satisfying Work
  • Convenient Locations
  • Financial Security
  • Health Benefits
  • Job Security
  • Retirement Benefits
  • Work-Life Balance
  • Confidential Counseling
  • Training Provided

When you come to work for God, you belong to a family that will look out for you no matter what, and membership lasts longer than a lifetime! God makes sure to consider the needs of all of His employees and so you will learn quickly how great a provider He is. Once people start seeing how happy you are working with Him, your friends and family will want to as well. Don’t worry – there is no conflict so make sure you tell them all about your experiences.  There is always work to be done and never enough people so God doesn’t turn anyone away. There is also an open-door policy so you can bring matters to God’s attention and air out your grievances at any given time. His employees are so important to Him, that God always makes time for them, even if that means taking an unscheduled break. The best part is that the work is challenging AND rewarding. You will not be disappointed!

For more information about this great opportunity, visit John 3:16.

To apply in person, call on Jesus with “You Are My Lord And Savior.”

For more information about Kristeen Nicole Gillooly, her music and her ministry, please visit http://www.kngmusicministry.com. You can also visit her artist website at http://www.kristeennicolegillooly.com. 

It Has Come To My Attention That…

The Devil sure likes to get in the way. It was supposed to be simple – click on the link, be taken to our ministry page…

A sincere apology to everyone that tried to listen to the interview I did on my husband’s show, “Faith Matters” in the segment Come As You Are. I mentioned it in my last post and even provided the link that would take them directly to my website. I’m just now finding out that over 100 people tried to listen to that interview and were not able to.

Asking people if they could be happy while not being Christian sparked quite the conversation but I would love if you could listen to what sparked the debate in the first place. You can listen to the interview here.

God Bless,


Miracle in the Making – Part 3

So, it turns out that I’m not going to make it in the radiologist business. I suppose that makes sense considering that I’ve never gone to school for such a thing and the only experience I’ve ever had doing such work was reading one set of ultrasound results. Oh, did I mention that they were my results? That’s right folks, I revealed in my last post that I crumbled under the weight of stress and impatience and tried to read my own ultrasound results so that  I could learn more about my fibroids. Thankfully, my recent trip to a gynecologist revealed more than just my unmentionables (sigh), and with that I can tell you that there is good news and bad news.

First, the bad news…

I do have fibroids but that’s not what has been causing me so much trouble these last few months. I can blame that on my actual reproductive system misbehaving instead of being the good girl I’ve always known her to be. I could go into details and give you all of the nitty gritty but out of respect for the gentleman reading this post, let’s just leave those specifics in the comments section ladies. BUT the good news is that there aren’t as many fibroids as I thought there were and they’re not as big (see, I told you I wouldn’t make a good radiologist). I was given medicine for the other issue the doctor found but it didn’t work so I guess I’ll be seeing him again. All in all, we’ve still got lots to dance about! **Intermission – let’s do the Carlton dance!** Okay, okay, I know you are probably breathing heavy like me right now after all of that dancing but let’s get back to the point…

I let fear get the best of me.

God was in control the whole time.

Fear is a funny thing that can drive you to do all kinds of things you wouldn’t do under normal circumstances. I let my fear make matters worse. Here I was, thinking that I needed surgery but God knew better. It took so long for me to relax about this situation because I was going through so many things and I admittedly was scared. Still, at least three weeks before my doctor’s appointment, I started hearing His whisper that I wouldn’t need surgery. I wanted to believe this so bad… but after such an ordeal, I didn’t know what to believe.

Trusting God is like climbing a ladder.

You have to look up lest you fall down.

I stayed on my fear ladder for quite some time, afraid to look up and afraid to fall down. God showed me that it was never a serious ordeal to begin with but I feel like I lost two months of my life while I stayed there in limbo. In the end, my faith recovered, but was it really worth stressing over? In hindsight, no. We will never have a complete picture in this life. We will always have to make decisions based on little information and big assumptions. That’s one of the reasons we need God on our side, to take some of the pressure off, and to help us see the miracles.

So wait, what is this miracle in the making then?

Simply put, the miracle is the result of faith when we do put our trust in God. It’s not just reassurance in the end that we have to look forward to but also God’s blessings because we dared to believe in Him. No matter what is going on in our lives, He has always had an escape plan ready to execute when times get tough. We just have to be willing to turn those corners with our eyes closed and know that we will come out safely on the other side. We might get this faith thing right  9 out of 10 times and feel like a champ, but then fall down once and still get bruised. Thankfully, God knows that we are not perfect and that we will trip up sometimes.

There is always room for more faith in our lives.

Thankfully, there is always room for more miracles in our lives too.

This is the last segment in the “Miracle in the Making” blog series. We encourage you to continue your own faith journey and challenge yourself to turn to God more than you do fear. For more information about Kristeen Nicole Gillooly, her music and her ministry, please visit http://www.kngmusicministry.com. You can also visit her artist website at http://www.kristeennicolegillooly.com.