It may sound silly to some, but I thank others for being obedient when it comes to following their Christian faith, for following through on the things He specifically asks us to do. I started doing it because a lot of what I have in my life would not exist without others doing their part. But I’m not perfect either. I’ve been disobedient to God on many occasion, even here lately. I’ve been trying to stay on course but keep failing miserably.
I’M NOT A GREAT EXAMPLE OF WHAT A CHRISTIAN SHOULD BE.
I AM NO TESTIMONY ON HOW ONE SHOULD ACT.
Still, He loves me. In the middle of January, Nick suggested I go back to church after meeting a young woman that was in remission. The strange thing is that while I still felt like myself, everyone around me seemed to know I was not going to last much longer. And on some level, I knew that as well and was still looking for hope. I mentioned going to church on Twitter, and even told the world that I set my alarm so I’d go the next day. I’m glad I did.
I had a wonderful and beautiful experience that changed and challenged my outlook on several core things that day. As a matter of fact, that day in church is when things started turning around in terms of my health. It’s almost become known as the day I “woke up” or “my wakening.” But I was only given one instruction from God that day : “go back and listen to the sermon, especially the part I missed when I left the sanctuary because that part applied to me.”
A few days later, I sat down to listen to the whole sermon. Truth be told, I never got past the worship section of the broadcast. Instead, I found myself speaking a message that came over me, a message I just spoke over the existing music. I recorded it and emailed it to myself so I wouldn’t lose it because it turned into a moving and beautiful message.
I thought I could release it one day like I had my album previously. It spoke of God’s love not being a new story but an old story that needs to be told over and over again so no one is left behind. Still, for all the stress that was being put on me when people noticed a change in me, and the additional stress I was putting myself under, I created an even bigger issue for myself:
GOD NEVER TOLD ME TO WRITE A BLOG POST ABOUT WAKING UP.
HE TOLD ME TO SHARE HIS LOVE STORY.
THIS realization hit me a week ago, that this is what I should have been working on for the last two months. Not the stuff that happened in church that day or what happened before (although that will come in due time). I was focused on finding out what happened during my memory lapses so I’d know how close I came to dying.
The problem is, once I realized what I should have done, I got stuck trying to figure out how to share it. The podcast was recorded with other people’s music on it, and I knew it would be taken down if I posted it anywhere for copyright reasons. So for the last week, I’ve been trying to figure out how to get this done. More delays, more excuses? Who knows but thankfully the answer fell into my lap this afternoon.
I have the transcript for the podcast. I wrote it a week after making the recording so I could “clear it” with my pastor. I didn’t want to put out a recording that took place at his church without his permission, especially with his worship team singing in the background.
To finish this and put it to rest, I’m sharing the transcript and some final notes:
I WOKE UP ON A SUNDAY MORNING
January 19, 2020
Truth be told, everything discussed in the transcript has already been shared verbally on multiple occasions, and used most recently in response to the Coronavirus crisis. Does that mean I was truly disobedient? I don’t even know anymore, and it’s a question that can be answered on another day.
At least there was fruit in the way this has ended; my husband made sure of that.
To Nick, thank you for coming to my sister’s rescue with this care package while she works the front lines. You went above and beyond for our family, and still went out of your way for someone that really needed it even more than us.
To my sister JenNay, I’m sorry for being selfish and not thinking of you enough while I fought my own demons. You get me and still love me despite my failures.
And to our loving God, thank you for all that you’ve done for me and my family, and for allowing us to help others that really need assistance. We love you, and are nothing without you.
Kristeen Nicole Gillooly 