How did it go by so quickly?
It’s all passed me by as if in a dream.
I know my head hasn’t been in the sand;
I’ve been living with the fear and the reality since day one.
But it feels so different now…
Worse than when I first got diagnosed.
I can feel the life being pulled out from under me.
It’s too soon.
I’m not ready Lord,
I’m just not ready Lord.
Does that make me a sinner?
Does that make me love you less?
Would you still call me a chosen one
Or am I just as bad as everyone else?
I’m so ashamed.
Did I do enough?
Will I ever be enough?
Dear and faithful servant?
It feels like the journey ends here.
Lord, will you fight for me? Will you turn stones to save my life? Will you help me through this? Why do you need me so soon? You gave me a beautiful husband and kids late in life. I haven’t had enough time with them. Please. I gave you everything, everything that I had, a change so radical from my old ways. Please, let that be enough. I can’t do this to my husband, to my kids. To my dad… he still hasn’t forgiven you for taking my mom. I really thought you took her so that he would get saved and he’s not even talking to me. My brothers, my sister, the rest of my family… we need you to pull through for us. Please. I’m not ready Lord, I’m just not ready. It’s too soon.
Kristeen Nicole Gillooly 
❤️ I am praying for you! I’ve followed your journey and am inspired by your strength and endurance. God has used you to minister to so many people you may never meet on this side. You’re a warrior and a champion for Christ! Thank you for your transparency and courage. ❤️
So many others like me are keeping watch with you. Praying for healing, praying for peace. We don’t know the answers or why? Why bad things happen to believers. Praying for you. Crying for you and your family. Looking up to the One who loves us and trying to understand His perfect will.
Oh Kristeen ! Sweet woman ! My tears are flowing like a river for you.
Every day, I talk with God, asking Him to ease your burdens and give you peace, and if it be His will, to heal and restore your body.
I ask God to help you give your worries over to Him. To rest in His love and care.
I hear your ‘mother’s heart’ in your writing, Kristeen, and know how hard it is to hand over burdens. It’s hard for me too.
His timing. His plan. Not ours. We live in a fallen world, so suffering happens. I’m so very very sorry. Truly.
My heart and thoughts and prayers are with you always. If I could do more… I would. If there is anything that I can do, please let me know.
Charlene
The King desires your beauty.
Kristeen, God loves you enough to never let go of you. Whatever you face God will be there to hold you and love you through it all. Today, it seems like God has forgotten you and Jesus’s cry, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” is the question of the heart. Someday, what makes no sense and is incredibly unfair will make sense. For now, “we see through the glass darkly, but one day we will see face to face. Now we know in part, but some day we will know, even as we are known.” For now, God stores your every tear in his flask and weeps with you. May God bless you with deep peace, comforting presence, assurance you are loved and that nothing can separate you from that love in Jesus.
I am standing in agreement with you for a total healing miracle. I love you sis! Be encouraged. Abba Father knows best. ((Hugs))
Stay strong. The destination is still God’s arms forever. He can take your doubts and fears; my prayer is you don’t give up.
Kristeen, my heart is breaking for you. (((Hugs)))
He loved you so much He died for you! Even if you were the only one, you would have been enough. May He continue to strength your faith to handle anything that is in His will. Those who believe & accept Him we will see one another on the other side. I’m sure there are a parade of those who have gone before you because of His unfailing love & your testimony. I am honored to have shared some of your journey through Twitter.
I don’t know exactly what to say because I’m grieving myself plus I’m not educated enough on the Bible but I do know our Lord God Jesus Christ. I’m in tears after reading some of your tweets and your writing here. My heart breaks for you and your family. My Mother passed away last month from multiple myeloma. My husband is in remission from throat cancer. I pray that the Lord will calm you of your fears and give you piece of mind. I pray he gives you relief from your pain. I pray you and your family gather close to one another and feel God’s love and healing of the past and the present. I pray for understanding and forgiveness. I pray for mercy upon you. I pray for strength and courage for you and your family. God be with you and bless you. In Jesus name, Amen and Amen ❤
Thank you for reaching out. I will pray for you and your family too. Sounds like you a lot that you are going through
We are strangers but sisters in Christ. It’s very easy for me to say, it’s God’s will for your life. As tragic as it is to leave behind those we love, the real tragedy is if they don’t understand and don’t accept God’s will. All of us are born to die. Some families have so much more tragedy while others seem to have none. We don’t know why so that’s why you must leave everything in His Hands. God is in control. I pray that are your family have received Christ as their Savior so they can live with that assurance. You will see each other again in Heaven and escape the gates of Hell. Once saved, we have that assurance. God bless you and your family. Ann Duvall White, Jackson, Tennessee.,
Kristeen, our paths crossed briefly but significantly. Your life and your music touched me as we both watched our sons play lacrosse. When I learned about your struggle, I thought of you each time I saw your baby excel in his sport and watched your husband try to capture each play for you with his phone. I think of you often and pray for your healing and for your family. If we never see each other again, please know that you were loved and appreciated, not only by your family but by those who ever crossed your path, even if it was only a season. I thank God for your sweet voice, your courageous spirit and your kind heart. You have made a difference and your music will last forever. God bless you!